Music has always been a passion of mine. By the age of 5 my parents would find me sitting at that oversized upright piano of ours picking out the melody of songs that I had heard somewhere along the way. Desiring to foster my budding interest in music, they soon found me a piano teacher; and I spent the next several years learning to navigate this instrument that had captivated me at an early age. I gained knowledge about reading musical notes, counting time, key signatures, dynamics, and a host of other technicalities that make music what it is. Performance techniques were also something that my teacher attempted to impress upon me, one of those being if you make a mistake, don’t stop, just keep going. Get where you are supposed to be and finish the piece. I thought that was certainly easy for her to say because it seemed she never made any mistakes when she played. This task proved itself to be a quite a challenge. As I began to work on this issue, I found my first instinct when things went south was to just stop and give it up. I felt surely there was no way to salvage the remainder of the piece after what I had done. I could not focus on where I was supposed to be. All I could think of was the erroneous note, how everyone was staring at me, and how stupid I must appear. In my mind, I panicked, trying to decide what would be the most feasible method of dealing with this disastrous event, crying, faking an illness, or making a dash for the nearest parking lot. I cannot count how many times I said I would never do this again. It was just too hard to get past the embarrassment of making a mistake, regroup, and get back on track all in one small moment of time.
I have been playing for many years now. Through time and much practice, my musical skills have grown. However, even now, that guidance that I received as a music student remains near the forefront of my thoughts every time I play before an audience. Making a mistake continues to unnerve me and rattle my cage. There is still that initial moment of panic and then the immediate struggle to regain focus, and to this day I have times that I find myself wanting to crawl under the bench or make a break for the nearest exit. However, it has become much easier to quickly step past the immediate hysteria and with a little improvisation and patience pull back into line with the song and complete it successfully. I am not saying I don’t sweat bullets at times in the process, but I have found if I can regain my focus and keep moving, I can often finish the musical undertaking on a good note.
Just as blunders do happen in my musical adventures, they also seem to crop up in other areas of my life as well. I shouldn’t be surprised. Outside of Jesus Christ, no human has ever walked mistake-free and none ever will. Regardless, my heart is grieved when I discover that I have missed a beat. I can easily become distracted and find myself unable to find my place. Often Satan takes great pleasure in recalling that impropriety to the center stage of my mind, causing me to endure encore after encore of the unfortunate production, relentlessly reminding me of my less-than-perfect performance. So many times I have thought of calling it quits, thinking that this time I had really blown it with no possible hope of ever recovering.
It is at these moments that God gently reminds me that He is not taken by surprise when I get off key. In fact, He knows that I am but flesh and blood and apt to stumble at times; and instead of cancelling my contract and having me tossed off the stage, He directs me back to the correct measure and then tells me to “keep on playing.” Oh how wonderful the grace of our God.
Now, this does not give me license to be careless and casual about any endeavor but rather blesses me with the freedom to play my heart out, knowing that an incidental missed note will not bring down the curtain with one show-stopping thud. Over time I have finally begun to realize that my Father is just as interested in my success as I am and that when the last note is played He will be waiting for me as I step off the stage, waiting to celebrate with me the performance of a lifetime.
(Galatians 5:13 NIrV) My brothers and sisters, you were chosen to be free. But don't use your freedom as an excuse to live in sin. Instead, serve one another in love.
(1 John 1:9 NIrV) But God is faithful and fair. If we admit that we have sinned, he will forgive us our sins. He will forgive every wrong thing we have done. He will make us pure.
©LaDonna Neel – September 2009
